Paris is not someone who was a particularly impressive prospect. He topped out as the Angels’ No. 14 prospect per FanGraphs in 2023, and if you can’t crack the Angels’ Top 10, your chances of being an impact player at the major-league level are slim.

I know it's not quite as catchy as the original, but it works! Just think about the biggest narrative in baseball so far this season: Those dastardly Yankees and the unfair advantage offered by their early adoption of the torpedo bats.

David's closers and saves fantasy baseball waiver wire pickups and bullpen report for Week 2 (2025). His relief pitcher updates, and closers to add for saves.