So much of a secure attachment dynamic is built upon responsiveness. The rhythm of joining each other in moments of joy and moments of pain. Showing up for each other and allowing the relationship to be a place where we are both held and soothed. This can be utterly confusing and even uncomfortable if we did not grow up with secure family relationships and had to learn other coping patterns to adapt to our family’s disconnection. Which is the entire reason I wrote Securely Attached, and why I wr
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FacebookAttachment Nerd
💔The Most Painful Attachment Dynamic in Relationships: The Fearful Avoidant (FA) and the Dismissive Avoidant (DA). 🔥 Why does it hurt so much? 🔥 Imagine this: the FA, who is the most deeply wounded, also tends to be the “fighter” in the relationship. Their core need? To be seen, heard, and understood. Often, they’ll go to extremes to try to achieve this—sometimes even yelling or screaming out of desperation to connect. Their biggest fear is being betrayed, which can make them highly reactive
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Attachment science and research has given us so much helpful information about how humans develop and what specially helps our brains to have an optimal outcome. Children are born with the emotional feeling center of the brain (limbic system) more fully developed than the rationalizing, logic center of the brain (the prefrontal cortex). So they rely on our fully developed prefrontal cortex to support them with kind, empathetic responses and guidance. If you can hold this mantra: “my job is to st
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Of all the the things I am trying to gift to my children, the most important one is a secure attachment dynamic with me. I want them to have a deep sense that they can rely on me when they feel tender or distressed in life. And we know from the research that one of the most important variables in making that happen is MY state of mind. So these three reminders I say to myself are very helpful for keeping me connection focused as much as possible. 1. This moment will become a memory (Helps me sta
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